I had an aha moment today. Just a little one. Danelle was giving her testimony, and she was talking about how at one point she believed that God wasn't going to keep His promises to her because she was a failure.
And I realized that I don't believe that about me. I feel like I did my part. But He didn't do His. In essence it seems like God isn't going to keep His promises to me because He's a failure.
Hmmmmmmmm.
Well, I guess you gotta start somewhere.
3 comments:
As I think about failure my first response was...no God doesn't fail...but then my own memories of my past flooded my mind of how I, too really believed God had failed me and that He doesn't come through with His promises. That was a very dark time in my life and for me to cope with my thoughts of God's failure I turned away. I then began a journey of guilt and shame and that God then was going to turn away from me because of my failures. It has been a long journey for me to rid the lies of satan both about God and about myself. I seek to discern the God of my past and the God of the present and His role, His desires and His purposes for our lives.
And Becky, I agree...you have not nor are you a failure.
jean
Becky,
I am not always 100% sure of where things are in your journey as it has been awhile since we last spoke. I do know this - God is present - and is able to see far beyond what we can and will show Himself in His time and in His ways.
I remember a time long ago when I walked Crimson Lane shouting at the top of my lungs - "Where are you, God? And if You love me as You said You did - then WHY am I in this place, why am I feeling this pain?"
Now - nearly 10 years later - I am finally seeing Him. I am sensing His answers. But you know what - for me - it was about a sacrifice - laying my Isaac down. And my Isaac has been people. People that I put in a place that they did not deserve nor often time even ask for. He is a jealous God and wants us to put HIM in the place of pre-eminence. It took a lot of destruction and a lot of pain for me to finally realize all of this. I knew it in my head but not in my heart. Not really.
Now, I am not in any way saying that your situation mirrors mine because it definitely does not. But, I do believe that God will reveal Himself to you in His time and when His purpose is best suited. It comes down now to trust. Can you?
Love you dear one?
I'm trying dear...I'm glad to be able to walk this with others like you who know exactly how hard trust can be.
MUCH LOVE to you.
B
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